i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
