i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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