five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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