Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
