The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we should paint friendship bongs
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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