if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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