Sry I called you an 8
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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