went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
