I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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