so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
