do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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