no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Houston, we have a blender
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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