can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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