I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Say something about gay babies.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
