I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
