No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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