Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
