butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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