So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
