Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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