She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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