i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
