I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
