Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
