No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
