We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
