I bet he comes in French.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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