can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
