There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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