Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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