You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry about my life...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
