I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
smell my finger.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
