You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
