I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
