And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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