is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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