dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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