you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
