Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
