Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
