No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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