Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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