Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
