i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
