So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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