i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
