Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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