How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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