I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
