i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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