I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize