oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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