So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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