Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
