Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
