DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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