it hurts more in the daytime
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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