I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
