Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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