apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
