Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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