i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
