You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
