well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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