If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just found a bag of teeth...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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