What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
