Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
