you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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