I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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