i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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