my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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