We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
